Consider this…if you, out of the kindness of your heart, where not on the loan but decided to take over car payments your sister for a time.  Now let’s say you lost your job and could no longer afford to make her car payments and stopped paying her loan. Who would the loan company come after? You? No, because you are not responsible for the loan.  They would go after your sister for the money and not care who made the payments. Makes sense right?

He is paying his child support; however, he refuses to have anything to do with the child and has attempted to file motions to release him from all obligations as he was not a willing participant in the decision to conceive.  Both his motions for relief have been thrown out of court soon after they were filed.  He said he is going to continue to seek relief and feels that no court should force him into fatherly obligations just as no court should force a woman into having a child.

This is an interesting case, which is jam-packed with “triggers” for all sides.  The feminists and child activists were rather upset; stating that the child is innocent and since he is the biological father he is damaging the child’s development by refusing to do anything more than provide financial support.  The man’s mother spoke up saying that, although he pays his court ordered child support, he should have the right to decide not to be a father, financially or otherwise.  He says he told her he didn’t want children and she lied when she said she was taking birth control.

Fact: he had sex with this woman.

Obvious Assumption: he did not use a condom.

Conclusion: “I believed her when she said she was on the pill” is no defense for a blatant lack of personal responsibility.

Perhaps women have more options: birth control, abortion, adoption, etc…, but women are not the only ones who have the right to decide when and if they become parents.  Unfortunately, many men use the “I believed her” or “I pulled out” excuse and those are horribly week ones.  Seriously, if you are afraid of heights, don’t take a job as a tight rope walker just because it was offered to you.

The unavoidable fact is…if you wish to avoid a result (like fathering a child) then refrain from engaging in actions that may cause that outcome.  Use a condom, get fixed (it is reversible), or seriously consider avoiding sex.

What’s the saying? You play you pay.  Well it’s true.  You may choose not to be an involved father, and that is definitely your right, but if you did not do everything in your power to avoid conception then you have an obligation to take responsibility for your actions.

I retrieved these facts from the National Center for State Courts (NCSC) findings from 2006. Amazing isn’t it? Here is another thought provoking fact:  Of the 28 states reporting court data to the NCSC, Paternity cases ranked fifth highest in domestic court cases.  The ranking order is:

1. Support Issues (28.87%)
2. Divorce (22.23%)
3. Protection Orders (18.50%)
4. Custody (13.07%)
5. Paternity (10.00%)

Now consider this — if 1/3 of the DNA tests performed find no biological relationship and there are 17 million children in the IV-D system (meaning they are due child support as a result of a domestic court action) then one could assume potentially 5 million children may not be related to the man on their birth certificate.

Legal scholars, lawyers, politicians, law makers, child advocates, feminists, … all have various reasons for dismissing paternity as a non-issue.  Of course they do!  For anyone to take notice we have to make a big deal out of this issue.  We have to band together in large groups and carry signs through the streets.  We have to have thousands of petition signatures. We have to get noticed by the press and bombard our congressmen with emails, letters and phone calls, 24×7/365.  We have to prove that this is not a bunch of random, isolated incidents, but instead a devastating epidemic that is attacking the foundation of the social and economic structure of the American family.

Suppose there are 2 million men wondering if they are being or have been lied to; who suspicion thier partner’s infidelity resulted in a child and the child is not theirs. What would happen if those men decided to get DNA testing and resolved to fight the judicial system?  Based on the DNA results average of 1/3 finding no biological relationship, there would be 600,000 paternity cases filed in one year. Over 150,000 more paternity cases than divorce cases filed.

Would that catch some attention? Absolutely!

Think the law makers would start listening when paternity cases (not seen as an epidemic) surpasses divorce cases (seen as an epidemic since the 1980′s)?  You bet they would!

When I was a child my parents taught me that lying was VERY bad. I ate a few bars of soap because of lying and to this day I remain a painfully honest person.  I simply do not understand how we can go on allowing women to lie to protect themselves and reward them with laws that punish the people they lie to.  That is absurd.

Men, this is a big deal if it happening to you and you are not alone.  Remember, 200,000 men have spoken up by filing law suits and throughout the country there are activist groups fighting for your rights.  The reason this issue is swept under the carpet is because those who speak up and file suits are the minority.    Until everyone affected by paternity fraud stands up for themselves and takes action the American legal system will continue to have no idea just how widespread this issue is.

Tell your story.  Seek out and ask for help.  Write your Congressmen, every dang day.

If you think these questions are absurd, think again because this sort of thing happens every day to American men.  An unwed mother can name a man as the father of her child on a birth certificate and then contact a state agency and the ball is rolling to secure financial support for the child.

According to a 2006 report published by The Center for Law and Social Policy, only 28 states have specific laws which govern who, how and when paternity is established and how it may be contested for children born out of wedlock.  (We’ll save the discussion on the laws for married men and default paternity for another day.) When a man is named as the father of the child the state must make an effort to notify him of his rights.  Most often that job falls to the Department of Vital Records, who send written notification through the US Mail to the last known address on file.  So, unless you update vital records (not the just the post office) every time you move, it is unlikely you will receive a letter informing you of the guidelines for contesting a declaration of paternity and the time limit for doing so.

The bad news is, once the window of opportunity has passed and if the named father has not responded, he can be declared the uncontested father which means the state now has the right to sign him up for an 18-24 year, adjustable rate obligation.  The state is able to assign paternity by default and begin accruing arrearages, garnishing wages, pressing criminal charges, issuing warrants, and placing men in jail for delinquency.

As an example of just how real this all is — in 2008, Los Angeles County California released a report showing a staggering 80% of their paternity verification caseload was “closed by default”, where the entire state of California reported the “closed by default” rate was 68%.  Not all states report this information but of those who do the cases “closed by default” are generally well over 50%.

Here is what you can do to protect yourself from being signed up for an 18-24 year financial support olbigation by default:

1. Use a condom! Even if she says she is on the pill.  Even if you have been both tested for STD’s and are clean.  Even if you love her and want to marry her.  Unless you are ready to be a father in 9 months…Us a condom!
2. Change your address with Motor Vehicles, the US Post Office, and your state’s Department of Vital Records EVERY time you move!
3. Get a DNA test the minute the child is born, the minute your find out you have been named the father,  and before you sign any legal document (birth certificate, paternity authorization form, insurance…).  Even if you believe she was completely faithful.  Even if she swears the baby is yours.  Even if the little cutie has your grandparent’s nose and looks just like you.  Even if you used a condom every single time you had sex and she was on the pill.
4. Find out if there is a administrative process for contesting paternity.  Over half of the states have this and you can call Vital Records to find out.  This is a more cost effective way to contest the pending judgment.
5. Whether you are the natural father or not,  at some point you will need to hire an attorney to represent you and your rights in court.  Even if you don’t think you can afford it, beg,  borrow, have a garage sale, quit a costly habit,  do something to scrape up the retainer (usually about $1,000).  Oh, and make sure they have experience in cases of paternity.

That hiring an attorney part seems to be the show stopper for a lot of men.  Understandable when you consider that contesting paternity can cost a few thousand dollars.

Consider this — Doing nothing and becoming the dad by default will guarantee you owe thousands dollars every year for the next 18-24 years. That’s approximately $80,000 in total and you may never know if you are the real dad.

OR

Spending a few thousand now to determine if you are in fact the natural father and possibly saving yourself more than $75,000 in the long run.  Even if you find you are the real dad at least you know you have given yourself a fighting chance at fairness.  You will have input on the financial support commitment and the custodial rights you deserve.

Until I started researching this topic I was unclear on exactly what paternity fraud was.  I assume that I am not the only one unclear on this so allow me to share what I have learned.

Paternity fraud occurs when a women allows a man to be named the father of her child and fails to inform him that he is not in fact the father.  She knew she had had sex with another man (or men) and by directly lying or by simple omission, she allowed another man to assume the legal and/or personal fatherly role.

From my completely female point of view…WHAT?!? No matter what, this is outrageous! I have read these cases where women said they were scared or didn’t know for sure or had no idea the other guy could have been the father.  Blah, Blah, Blah…WHATEVER! You are a mother, for goodness sake, and allowing a man to be named the father of a child when there is a chance he isn’t, allowing him and the child to bond, is selfish!  It has nothing to do with what is best for anyone but you!

The stories of paternity fraud come in all different shapes and sizes.  Each story is unique.  Single men, married men, divorced men, injured/ill children finding out during medical procedures, brothers finding out either may be the father, women who had one child and lied to multiple men and collected money from all of them, etc… the only consistent part of these stories…a woman lied.

Actually there is another consistency, men often say they feel dumb, dupped, ashamed, pissed, used, etc… need I go on? Obviously those feelings are normal. You were lied to and manipulated into what often turns out to be a no-win financial obligation.  Of course you are angry.

There is an ongoing debate in the legal community as to whether paternity fraud is an epidemic in our nation.  Base on a resent study of DNA test results an estimated1/3 of all DNA test performed find that the named father is not the biological father.  If that is not an epidemic it is certainly a horrific reality!  A tragedy which effects everyone around the situation. The mother carries this secret and then must face the judgement of others when her lies are revealed. Children are often caught in the middle and are hurt in the process. The true foundation of a family bond is put to the test and usually destroyed.

I commit to creating posts which are informative, educational and above all else, helpful.  This blog is devoted to the “presumed fathers” out there who are feeling trapped by archaic laws or completely unaware of their rights.

I intend to use this blog site to share what I find and add my thought on the topic of paternity fraud.  I firmly believe that ALL men need to know their paternity rights and laws need to change!

Consider this:  A study was conducted based on DNA testing results.  This study found that 1 out of every 3 DNA tests performed found the tested father and child were NOT biologically related.  Now think about this…there are over 650,000 children in Missouri who are in the Department of Family Services and Child Support System…how many of those children are not biologically related to the man they call Daddy or the man listed as “father” on their birth certificate?

Mind blowing, isn’t it? Please, tell the men you know about this blog site.  I believe that the information I will be sharing with you just may help fathers know their rights, find a proactive and informed attorney, be prepared for the issues they may face, and ultimately help them realize that they are not alone or trapped.