Last week, on Dr. Phil, there was a young man explaining his paternity case. Apparently he and this woman were dating and had discussed having children. He told her that he did not want children and she said she did. He says she told him she was on the pill and he believed her. Guess what? She became pregnant and sued him for child support, which she was granted after a DNA test showed him to be the biological father.
He is paying his child support; however, he refuses to have anything to do with the child and has attempted to file motions to release him from all obligations as he was not a willing participant in the decision to conceive. Both his motions for relief have been thrown out of court soon after they were filed. He said he is going to continue to seek relief and feels that no court should force him into fatherly obligations just as no court should force a woman into having a child.
This is an interesting case, which is jam-packed with “triggers” for all sides. The feminists and child activists were rather upset; stating that the child is innocent and since he is the biological father he is damaging the child’s development by refusing to do anything more than provide financial support. The man’s mother spoke up saying that, although he pays his court ordered child support, he should have the right to decide not to be a father, financially or otherwise. He says he told her he didn’t want children and she lied when she said she was taking birth control.
Fact: he had sex with this woman.
Obvious Assumption: he did not use a condom.
Conclusion: “I believed her when she said she was on the pill” is no defense for a blatant lack of personal responsibility.
Perhaps women have more options: birth control, abortion, adoption, etc…, but women are not the only ones who have the right to decide when and if they become parents. Unfortunately, many men use the “I believed her” or “I pulled out” excuse and those are horribly week ones. Seriously, if you are afraid of heights, don’t take a job as a tight rope walker just because it was offered to you.
The unavoidable fact is…if you wish to avoid a result (like fathering a child) then refrain from engaging in actions that may cause that outcome. Use a condom, get fixed (it is reversible), or seriously consider avoiding sex.
What’s the saying? You play you pay. Well it’s true. You may choose not to be an involved father, and that is definitely your right, but if you did not do everything in your power to avoid conception then you have an obligation to take responsibility for your actions.
The main issue of child support in the USA, is not responsibility and who did what and which came first the chicken or the egg. It is about the laws and the lack of due process of an unfair system. If you told every father who had a child that when they separated with their female partner, they would have to pay a set fee for 18 years and that was it, things would be fine.
The reality is totally different. The system is a political, unregulated scam, that strong-arms fathers into a perpetual debt. The system makes constant mistakes and ruins men financially. They ruin the fathers and disable their power to grow and gain power and be a good father with resources to spend on the child. The children become victims of a system that spends more money than it brings in. Why? not because mean are deadbeats, but because they are charging the fathers fees and fines and retro-activity making court orders that he cannot afford. It is that simple.
The bottom line is that the Government is forcing men to do as they demand. They are saying by their actions, ” We will punish you for not staying in the relationship for at least 18 years”. They are say that, ” We are the government and we will tell you how to live and if you do not we will financially and even criminally punish you”. No mind that this is just a love affair. So men would be wise to do the following:
1. Never marry a woman because the cost out ways the benefits. Just date them spend money and have a good time and treat them nice and respectful. But, do not marry them. Because if you get married it becomes a legal contract and that is where the government gets in between your sheets.
2. Never have children with a women, because in today’s society women have too many options in their favor. One, because it is Cool and there is no shame in being a single mother. Two, because once your female partner gives birth it has turned into a legal contract, ( see number one, again ).
3. Stay single and never mind what women say. They are biological programed to give birth and to tie down men. They know nothing else. A thirty something single mother with three kids will still give birth to another child if she loves her new man and has become pregnant. In her mind the reasoning is trumped by the biological instincts, and supplemented by the reality of our laws, that say, go ahead, give girth at anytime in any circumstances your will never be shamed or fined, in fact you will be rewarded and financially secured by the rest of society, and we will bill the men.
4. Be selfish with your sperm. Spread it everywhere and anywhere you want as long as it is consenting, except the vagina. Once you spread it there you loose all your power