I have heard people say that men are screwed in custody battles and I have heard some horror stories, but I was completely surprised by exactly how archaic family laws are in this country! We have laws that protect consumers from all kinds of fraud and only 7 states include paternity fraud. Only 7!
Until I started researching this topic I was unclear on exactly what paternity fraud was. I assume that I am not the only one unclear on this so allow me to share what I have learned.
Paternity fraud occurs when a women allows a man to be named the father of her child and fails to inform him that he is not in fact the father. She knew she had had sex with another man (or men) and by directly lying or by simple omission, she allowed another man to assume the legal and/or personal fatherly role.
From my completely female point of view…WHAT?!? No matter what, this is outrageous! I have read these cases where women said they were scared or didn’t know for sure or had no idea the other guy could have been the father. Blah, Blah, Blah…WHATEVER! You are a mother, for goodness sake, and allowing a man to be named the father of a child when there is a chance he isn’t, allowing him and the child to bond, is selfish! It has nothing to do with what is best for anyone but you!
The stories of paternity fraud come in all different shapes and sizes. Each story is unique. Single men, married men, divorced men, injured/ill children finding out during medical procedures, brothers finding out either may be the father, women who had one child and lied to multiple men and collected money from all of them, etc… the only consistent part of these stories…a woman lied.
Actually there is another consistency, men often say they feel dumb, dupped, ashamed, pissed, used, etc… need I go on? Obviously those feelings are normal. You were lied to and manipulated into what often turns out to be a no-win financial obligation. Of course you are angry.
There is an ongoing debate in the legal community as to whether paternity fraud is an epidemic in our nation. Base on a resent study of DNA test results an estimated1/3 of all DNA test performed find that the named father is not the biological father. If that is not an epidemic it is certainly a horrific reality! A tragedy which effects everyone around the situation. The mother carries this secret and then must face the judgement of others when her lies are revealed. Children are often caught in the middle and are hurt in the process. The true foundation of a family bond is put to the test and usually destroyed.
I am grateful for your candor in this matter. I am a paternity fraud victim that was duped into marrying a woman that told me she was carrying my child. The lady knew that I was not the father, but told me that I was and preyed on my weaknesses. I have been to family court and can prove that she committed fraud in court, but the judge quashed my request for the paternity records and the doctor to be at court. I am now taking her to court for tort of outrage and fraud. I cannot begin to tell you how profoundly this fraud has affected the child, me and others, but here are a few comments to try and grasp it. The child knows I am not the father, as she has informed him and he wishes to have nothing to do with me. The child has an identity issue. He is very angry and disturbed. He knows nothing about his biological family and is deprived of their relationship. I have had the ultimate betrayal put upon myself by this lady telling me that is was my child. My family has been hurt and no longer has a relationship with the child. I am married and have major trust issues. I am continually distracted in my life and work, because of this fraud and betrayal. How do you derive “Best interest of the child” from all of this? The court system, the judges, many attorneys, political representative and senators are acting like austrage and stick their head in the sand, as though this is OK. The only one that benefits from this is the mother financially at the cost of sacrificing a child for her selfishness. All I can say is how is this acceptable in society where one person can profoundly hurt the lives of many in a lie, deceit, fraud and be rewarded for it. It is not something I have been able to come to grips with. For the love of humanity when is this going to stop?
In response to some of the ridiculous comments I have read;
It takes more than biology to be a father? Correct, it takes the truth, honesty, and a consensual relationship, not lies and deceit.
How could we avoid traumatizing the child by letting the duped man off the hook? These people are so out of touch with reality, at this point everyone knows, but let’s be and austrage and stick our heads in the sand, so we can justify what we are doing. The best thing that could happen is that the child would have the possibility to know his biological father and the biological father’s family. There are so many more benefits to this than lying to everyone and allowing fraud.
Jeff,
Thank you for sharing your story. Paternity Fraud has impacted my life as well, so this topic is near and dear to me. My spouse is going through this with his ex-wife and in a blog I have been writing and rewriting I will share our story. I believe my anger and utter disgust is still coming out in my words, which is why I hold off from posting that one right now.
Because of our situation I have begun doing research on state by state custody laws and paternity issues. I am finding that there are many stories out there like yours, each one slightly different from the next and yet the results (pain, destruction of trust, shame, anger, manipulation, etc…) are consistent. Very few times do the children understand and the parental bonds remain in place. Very few men react as oppossers or bystanders suggest they should. Even more sad is the number of men who, like you, are fighting the system and receive no assistance from the courts.
Good for you for fighting on all fronts! A civil action on the grounds of fraud is easier to receive a jundgement on than evidentuary paternity fraud. I assume, from your email address, you are in Arkansas. Haven’t researched a lot there yet.
I started this blog and I am writing for a magazine focused on Dad’s which launches this Fall. I am also launching my own researching service website next month. I am not an attorney and can not give legal advice; however, I am able to locate laws, case studies, statistics, make case comparisons, interview attorneys and find men the well versed attorney for thier exact sircumstance.
Good luck to you on your next court action and please keep me posted on what occurs.
You may be interested in seeing what is going on in Tennessee. They have video and you can watch it live via streaming video. They will meet and discuss their paternity bill May 27, 2009. Here is the link.
http://wapp.capitol.tn.gov/apps/BillInfo/Default.aspx?BillNumber=HB0805
You should take a look at both the house bill and senate bill (HB0805 and SB1263). It really gives you a sense of how ignorant some people really are thinking they are protecting children. It seems like the people that are for paternity fraud are like austrages and just want to stick their in the sand and it will all go away.
Hi I would like to share my paternity fraud story and hope to get a federal law to protect men.
For the past three years now, I have been taking care of Diego, the child whom I thought was my son. I found out recently that he is not. The mother of the child lied to me and was apparently in a relationship with someone else at the same time she was in a relationship with me. Her lie began to unravel in November of 2008, when I discovered she was arrested for perpetrating a fraud upon the state of NY and her employer at the time.
When I discovered she had been arrested, I called her numerous times to confront her about the issue but received no answer. Worried about the child I thought was mine, I immediately went to court to gain custody of him. When she was served with court papers, she became enraged and told me that I ought to get a paternity test done because she was having sex with another man at the time. Needless to say, I was stunned.
She has two older boys, one from her marriage. Her second child, Christian, doesn’t know who his real father is; he believes his brother’s father is his father, too. She had confessed this to me years ago. When I told her that she was wrong for not being honest with that boy and letting him have a relationship with his biological father, she disagreed and said her husband wanted it this way. However, now I believe this to be a lie as well.
Shortly after she was served with papers, she recanted her statement, claiming that Diego was indeed my son, but as you can imagine, I was suspicious after learning about the information relayed above. When I finally saw Diego, I took a home DNA test. In January 09, I got the results back and was astonished. According to the DNA test, I am excluded from being the biological father. I decided to go a step further and get an official DNA test that would stand up in any court.
I found out through hours of Internet searching that I could vacate the acknowledgment of paternity on three grounds: duress, mistake in fact, and fraud. And, according to New York City Family Court Act 516-a, paragraph b, if an acknowledgment is vacated the magistrate shall order a DNA test.
She lied to me, which is fraud, so I went to support court. I asked Support Magistrate Ann Marie Loughlin to vacate the acknowledgment of paternity. The magistrate ordered a lawyer for the child. When the case came back to court, the lawyer for the child, June B. Callwood, said that I had been acting as the father, the child knows my mom and sisters, and therefore she feels I should continue to be the father.
Magistrate Loughlin said she didn’t see what the problem was and asked why I wanted a DNA test. I explained to her that I did a DNA test on my own that came back conclusive that I wasn’t the father. She vacated the acknowledgment of paternity on the grounds that she was married at the time of conception, gave her legal advice to go file a petition for paternity, and adjourned the case.
Everything that I have done as a father is because I believed in a lie. It appears as if the truth has no place in my situation. This is the only fraud where the state helps the perpetrator keep the fraud going. I did the right thing by supporting Diego and never attempted to walk away from my responsibilities, yet it seems my rights in this case don’t matter. Doesn’t that child deserve to know who his real father is? Isn’t this only going to get worse as he gets older?
Currently, I have legal representation and I am in the mist of a estoppel hearing. This means that I am estopped from vacating the acknowledgment of paternity I signed if the judge finds reason.
I’m not sure on what grounds I’m continuing to pay child support. The court didn’t establish that I am Diego’s father. In fact, the court vacated the acknowledgement of paternity. So what am I legally? A victim. I, and other victims like me, are in a desperate situation and need your help. We need to expose this unfair practice toward men. We need to let everyone know that paternity fraud is alive a thriving in New York state. There are thousands of victims like me who are forced to accept similar situations thrust upon them by the courts. We must also reach out to all media outlets to have my story and others like it broadcast to the public.
I am open to all ideas and suggestions and would appreciate any support you’re willing to offer. I am able to provide you with copies of all of the court proceedings, DNA testing, and any other documentation you may require. And I will join you in any forum to get the word out.